I kinda like being alive and in full use of my limbs, so I scrapped that idea.
The only other model I can think of using is the patented J.Carroll Jump In With Both Size Nines and See What Happens approach.
That's a real writer's tool, I'll have you know....
...(with the emphasis on tool).
Okay...got my Doc Marten's on ...here we go...
(1) When I was very young (about 4 I think) I could, and did, bite my own toe nails.
This memory used to disgust me, but now I'm pretty impressed.
(2) My earliest memory is when I was 18 months old , when my little sister Mary (there's always a Mary in an Irish family) was a newborn. I could see the corner of the kitchen table way above me, and heard my mother say (to my dad) "Tom, will you bring the child with you?".
Now I can't remember what I ate for lunch.
(3) My big brother Kevin taught me to read and write before I went to school at the age of 3. Because of him I could read way beyond my years, and read 'Roots' by Alex Hayley at the age of 9. Unfortunately, people assumed I was really clever because of this (I wasn't) and had Inflated Expectations of me. Now that I think about it, it's all Kevin's fault. What an evil bastard.
(4) I still wore a nappy when I started school.
(5) I was 16 when I started 3rd level education!!!! (I had ditched the nappies by this stage). It was a science course on DkIt (known to us oldies as the Regional in Dundalk).
I lasted 2 months.
(6) When I was 17 I left home and hightailed it to London. My vulnerability absolutely horrifies me now that I have kids of my own, but it was the best thing I ever did. I love London, and it was the making of me.
(are we at 7 already???? I thought this was gonna be really hard!!)
(7) I met the Love of my Life at nursing college in Romford (white stillettos rock!!!!)...I had to travel to Essex to catch a 'Blayney fella. People still occassionally ask me if he is a "male nurse"...considering he fathered three children with me, I feel the proof is in the pudding.
So there ya go, Lords and Ladies. Seven Sordid Secrets.