Friday, May 21, 2010

The Seven Signs of Grumpiness

I was shocked and appalled to be tagged by the impudent Jen to list seven things that make me grumpy.
Seven!
From a veritable little ray of sunshine like me???
Impossible.
Wait a minute...
...maybe being made grumpy by being asked to explain my grumpiness has just become No.1 on my list.
Suddenly I'm in a better mood.


No.2

Absolutely loving physics but not being able to get my mashed potato brain around it.
I had a great physics teacher when I was at school, who managed, incredibly,  to make it an exciting subject.
No food-stained cardigans and nasal hair for her...she was sassy, brainy and sexy,  like the honey you add to porridge to jazz it up a bit.
I wanted to be her when I grew up.
Sadly, my enthusiasm for quantum theories was hampered by an inability to add 2 + 2.
Hate that.

No.3
Very Clever Arty People who think you're a worm on the sole of their shoe unless you are in a perpetual state of suicidal misery about the wretched nature of humanity.
They equate humour with shallowness, and regard happy people as deluded fools.
I love to read, and over the years have waded my way through sullen tomes just because I was told (by the Arty Clever People) that I "ought to".
But not anymore!
I have embraced my inner silliness and use it fiercely to whack about the head of Moroseness.
We all know life is tough, so laughter is a very serious business, not a light-headed whimsy.

No.4
Still not being able to succinctly explain autism to non-autie civilians.
I  came to the conclusion many moons ago  that the Triad of Impairments is a big pile of poo, and all it does is describe some of the characteristics of autism without delving into it's nature.
These days I describe autism as a sensory processing disorder, but I would love to be able to explain it in one sentence instead of making the person sorry they ever asked.



No.5
Mornings.
They're just stupid.

No.6
My love-hate relationship with fashion magazines.
I love fashion but hate that I am sucked into longing to be a clear-skinned, 6ft, size 8 super-model who falls out of bed in full make-up with artfully tousled hair.
My head (mashed potatoes, remember?) knows that it's false and impossible...especially for a fun-sized Irish gal whose skin varies in shade from anaemic to deathly blue, and who's rump would rouse any Mullingar heifer to insane jealousy.
Heifers are just so damn lucky they don't have to worry about shopping for jeans.
So, I love the clothes, but hate the falseness...and at the age of 39 I am sorry to admit that I'm still waiting to grow six inches.

It could happen.

No.7
Thinking of a Great Riposte about three weeks too late.
When somebody says something cutting/angry/nasty my brain hits the  disengage button, and I have a spinal reflex which persistently returns to my default position of Human Goldfish.
As in, my mouth opens and closes, but no words come out.
In equal measure, grumpiness is elicited by people who respond with "Well, I would have said a,b or c..." when I tell them my tale of woe.




I quite enjoy being grumpy.
There's nothing quite as satisfying as a good old grumble about the weather, what's on TV or the price of eggs.
Basically things we can't change so are in no immediate danger of having to actually do anything about them.


It's a bit like armchair politics.


Right....grumpy interlude over...where's Little Miss Sunshine at??









14 comments:

  1. Can't imagine you EVER being Grumpy, Miss Jeanie! Brilliant list - working on mine as we speak!

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  2. if only you knew Taz...
    I had a good laugh thinking about these.
    I'm looking forward to yours already xxx

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  3. Biggest smile all day in the house here! I'm with you on most of those, but I do like mornings :D Nothing better than watching the sun come up over the sea with a day full of possibilities ahead xx

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  4. haha love it. I agree with so many of them things but still cant picture you ever grumpy
    xx

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  5. Impudent eh?? It was worth being slandered just to see the list :D I need to read it again as my own mashed potato only soaked some of it up lol. Jen. *scurries off to dig out future blackmail material*

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  6. Ah Jean you made me laugh my favourite is the Arty Farty one though !!!! Brilliant

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  7. @ Blue Sky...I'd love to love mornings...my sister in law Alison has to tone down her morning cheeriness in case I stab her.
    @ Claire...there's a Grumpy Goddess inside me just waiting to emerge...
    @Jen...there were soooooo many words to chose from lol
    @ Katy, yep, I reserve special Grumpiness for Arty Farties XXX

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  8. Oh yeah, I'm totally still waiting to grow six inches!
    Great blog gem!

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  9. This was a great read, and very informative! LOL

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  10. Hi! I've stopped by from Blog Gems and I'm so fortunate to have been listed under your link! I loved this post and I agree with all of it! Well, except the physics. I didn't know it then and I definitely don't know it now and have absolutely no desire to learn it. Which makes me a good target for the Arty Farty types. =) Looking forward to reading more!!

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  11. Jean, I love your list! It made me grin from ear to ear! How can one make a grumpy list so entertaining?

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  12. Bad at physics but love mornings - that's me. I'm hear from Blog Gems :)

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  13. @ Dani, great to hear from you
    @ Mama, this info may come back to haunt me
    @ Ashley, lovely of you to drop by
    @ Loz, hello there
    XXX

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  14. hehehe, I loved reading this again and I feel all rascally now for being called impudent (again!). I am still working on the riposte thing but funnily enough I am getting better, especially when I combine it with the 'autism' thing, I can be quite scathing inside my head these days :D Jen

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