Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Southern Exposure

Bob and his big sister were invited to a birthday party yesterday at a really nice play-centre-type-place.
I was a little anxious as I wasn't familiar with the place and didn't have much time to prepare for the party.
And I'm not the one with autism.

So Big Sister catapulted herself into a small tornado of 10 year olds, and wasn't spotted in civilised society for three happy hours.

Meanwhile my understanding friends weren't offended at my poor conversation skills, lack of eye contact and intense focus on the whereabouts of Bob, as I busily frustrated his plans for escape.
(again, I'm not the one with autism, etc, etc)

He navigated  three dizzy tiers of the soft play area like a pro, and shot down the slides like a joyful little cannon.
All the while he was watching for an opportunistic open gate, a chink in the netting, or a strategically placed chair against a railing, so he could make a mad dash for freedom.

But he knew this wasn't gonna happen with B#*chMother on patrol.
So what's an autie kid to do???

He climbed to the top tier, accessible only to those under 3 feet tall, with the litheness of a mountain goat.
And stripped off.
He dangled his crown jewels and aired his peachy little bottom to the world at large, safe in the knowledge that  B#*chMother could not thwart his happy exposure.

I had to wait, head in hands, until he descended the slide in all his splendour.

So he was re-dressed, re-educated in the niceties of social decorum and finally re-released (that's a word, OK?) into his natural habitat of a soft play area full of juvenile delinquents.

And then he stripped off again.
In the top tier.

This time there was less discussion and more delivery of information, along the vein of "Three strikes and you're out!".




Bob remained suited and booted for the remainder of the party, and sat peacefully while he ate his chips and juice.



There were no further incidents of anti-social behaviour, but he had about him an air of quiet satisfaction that his work here was done.

(p.s thanks to Lavinia for including Bob in the guest list...next time lets go to a nudist beach tho)

43 comments:

  1. Hehehe... That's Charlies favourite trick at Playzone when the sensory overload gets too much for her. It's ALWAYS on the top tier though and I've learned to get up there fast to collect up the clothes so can redress her when she appears down the big slide naked. Usually there's a gang of older kids laughing at her which she gets kick out of. Heartbreaking but she's oblivious and thinks they're laughing WITH her not AT her :( Doesn't happen as frequently anymore thankfully and am so glad our other game of "hunt the poo" is no longer played there either lol xxx

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  2. Oh God, glad he was satisfied that his work was done.
    Poor you, I hope you had a nice glass of vino to recover.

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  3. sorry, but...hehehehehe!!!

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  4. @ petunia, oddly enough not one other kid passed any remarks of him
    @ Brigid, vino may have been opened
    @ taz, ya gotta laugh but mother of gawd I was pretty morto at the time
    XXX

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  5. Lol. What a spirited one! And how brave of you to take him! I have to admit parties in play areas is 'something I don't do'. My husband took Max a couple of times this year and they got on fine (apart from balloon phobia incidents). But I just wouldn't. I'd need the wine before going.

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  6. Lol, sorry, but lol. Children always know how to push the buttons and get us going. I would have reacted exactly like you did and been mortified, but at the same time I would be the one saying to you 'oh, don't be'. This has yet to happen in our house so I don't have the experience, I will shout you, b**&hmother for guidance :D Jen

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  7. What a funny story. I love the way kids have no inhibitions about stripping off in public - it's a nice time that passes too quickly.

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  8. @ Sandrine, I'm only brave enough to take him to confined areas, and luckily he seems to really enjoy parties
    @ Jen, shout away. I will point and laugh when your time comes lol
    @ Musings, that's a really good way of looking at it
    XXX

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  9. Emm oh dear lol, I have a very clear vision of what that episode with bob is like. We had a parading of crown jewels ourselves today in front of the tutor complete with dazzling smile and toilet roll stuck to his arse!!!

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  10. @ Andra, ah the toilet roll..... XXX

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  11. ROFL. Coffee out my nose in the office. Sorry, my heart goes out to you but the encore bit is hilarious. Parents install buttons in their children to press in order to engrage/embarrass them and Bob has obviously installed a couple in you :-)

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  12. @ Alison, all buttons present and correct, awaiting pressing
    p.s engrage is an excellent word
    XXX

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  13. Is it where you get engaged but your not happy about it??!!

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  14. @ Alison, that would be it...off to the OED with you XXX

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  15. Oh Jean... sorry but this is sooo funny! It's definitely the way you tell it! Sir Bob seems quite happy with himself, doesn't he?!!

    xx jazzy

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  16. @ Jazzy, it's funny NOW XXX

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  17. Is it all planned I wonder, or just temptation proving too much? I'm laughing, but getting a tight knot in my stomach at the thought of it .xx

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  18. @ Blue Sky, my instinct says the little monkey was mad with me as I wouldn't let him escape
    @ James, there just ain't no other way
    XXX

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  19. That is great! Leaving his mark on the world huh? I know for you it was probably horrible and embarrassing, but you can look back now and laugh right? Aren't parties just the worst with ASD kids?

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  20. @ Mommy, I find parties difficult, but this particular friend knows Bob very well and didn't bat an eyelid. Lovely to hear from you XXX

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  21. Which is why I call those soft play centres Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell!
    xx
    send me an email if you want a copy of "where is it okay to be naked?"

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  22. Nice work, only the brave and all that, success well deserved!

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  23. @ Hammie, aptly named
    @ Annie, he was very pleased with himself
    XXX

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  24. This has totally happened to me. MORE THAN ONCE! my 4 babies all have high functioning autism. And the youngest, 3, is a total nudest (and has been for almost a year now, since the last move). It's hilarious and frustrating and maddening all at the same time!

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  25. oh jeanie, i love it, what a little divil lol

    hey if you cant beat them join them LOL

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  26. I'm a big fan of nudism, does that make me an autie? I mean, lets face it, Bob has it right. The aim of life is to have fun and get naked in the process. I took my kids to nudist camps when they were little, cos i wanted them to learn that there's more to nudism than some sexual hangups had by the Irish.
    we need people like Bob to educate us back to reality!

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  27. @ ashlee oh.my.gawd. FOUR strippers!!!
    @ coolkid, lucky he has such a cute butt lol
    @ Mags Bob is a light in the darkness!
    XXX

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  28. OMgoodness!
    I laughed til I cried!
    What a gorgeous little treasure Bob is!

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  29. @ Fiona, cheers dolly! XXX

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  30. The story is hilarious, but your accompanying choice of photos makes it. The crown jewels...ha!

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  31. LMAO!! I love it!! This is such an awesome story!!

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  32. @ Lynn, the photos are cool, aren't they?
    @ Blue Sky, cheers hunny
    @ Jillsmo, it's a doozie
    XXX

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  33. followed over from Jens...that is freakin hysterical...I always tell mine "wait until you are a teenager...see what I DO to you..." Although I don't think I'll parade around nude (no one wants to see that) I figure something out..:)

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  34. Oh, that's great, er no, I mean infuriating!

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  35. Soft plays are a nightmare/godsend in equal measure.I kind of agree with a previous comment - it is us that have the hang ups about nudity - although I suppose there is a time and a place..(ie not in current sub-zero temps!) I am learning lots from Blog Gems, thanks for this!

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  36. Even funnier this time around!

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  37. I bet you're glad you're recording this stuff :)
    PS - I'm over from Blog Gems

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  38. LOL - 'his work here was done'. Visiting from Blog Gems. This is, indeed, a Gem.

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  39. HRH has started to like the feel of air on his crown jewels and when he does I remember this post and KNOW that this will be me some day :D Jen

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  40. @ Kathleen, I intend mortifying my kids when they're older
    @ LifeAs, haha
    @ Suzie, it's a bit on the chilly side for streaking at the mo
    @ Truf, it made me laugh 2nd time around too
    @ Loz, thanks for coming over!
    @ LifeInAPinkFibro, thanks a mil
    @ Jen, may the force be with you
    XXX

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