Thursday, June 21, 2012

Love is...

Love is a many splendoured cliche.

It is roses, moonlit walks, the smell of a newborn baby.
It is a home-made Mothers' Day card.
It is kisses at daybreak, a cool hand on a warm neck, an awkward teenage embrace.

But love in our house will never be found on a Hallmark card.

In our home, love is... animated cat called Pilchard.

This is a regular conversation between Finian and myself;
"I love you, Finian.  Who do I love?"
"Mammy loves Pilchard"

Perplexed silence 
(From me.  Finian is very definite in his answer.)
Followed by, as an after-thought, "...and Mammy loves Finian.  And Daddy and Jimmy and Ellen."

Pilchard is a computer generated cat who plays a minor role in Bob the Builder. 
I harbour no strong emotion towards the 2D moggy other than thinking it must be quite nice to have a cat you don't have to feed or worm.

OK.  Let's try again.

"Who does Mammy love?"
He sighs and makes full eye contact with me as he repeats,
"Mammy loves Pilchard"
Like, d'uh.
I can feel him mentally rolling his eyes at my shortcomings in the brain department.

Initially I was a little put out that my son thinks he is placed second in my affections to the pet of an obsessive, emotionally stunted control freak (Bob has issues), but on reflection, Pilchard is a harmless, benign sort of character.
It's not like he thinks I bear more love for Hitler, or Brian Cowen.
And it's great that he's expressing anything in relation to love at all, so I'll take that and be happy.

"I need therapy"

So next Valentine's Day, keep an eye out for a new card design.
It'll stand out from the crowds of red hearts and blooming roses.
It's blue.
It's a cat.
And it's where love's at.


  1. I love Pilchard too. But Bob is gay. He is deluding himself with Wendy.

  2. @ Grace, Bob's sexuality has often given me pause to wonder. Wouldn't it be great if he came out and set up a love nest with Farmer Pickles? It would introduce Bob to a who;e new audience XXX

  3. I think it is a wonderful definition!
    I too think Bob has issues..I think anyone would if they lived with a bunch of talking tools..and a weird character with a pumpkin head(Bob was never too popular here-Thomas and his cheeky friends were more/are the style here) Although I think it would be lovely to walk into my garage and tell my tools to build an addition onto my house...

  4. Pilchard rules, nearly as much as Spongebob's seasnail Gary. I have a vivid memory of a much younger Finian chasing after my cats calling them Pilchard. His is a constant and loyal love afair. Bob is an idiot.

  5. @ Kathleen, and when you think about it, it's not very nice to call your best friends "tools"
    @ Alison, your poor, terrorized cats. Your own son is now doing a fine job of making their lives hell. Finian is proud

  6. I didn't even know there was a cat in Bob the Builder. Ugggh....well I suppose there are worse things but I do thing Bob the Builder is a little off but so is that guy in Blues Clues too....maybe the cat's not so bad after all? :)

  7. Pilchard sounds like the perfect pet to me! Now if only I could persuade my son of that :)

  8. @ Blue Sky...he does have many benefits! XXX

  9. Thank you for the laugh at 7am on a cold Saturday morning! Hmmm, I have never watched Bob the Builder, best I go check him out.... and Pilchard!! :)

  10. @ Bright side, you don't know what you're missing! XXX

  11. Oh, Bob the Builder. Sigh. Glad my kid's over THAT one, LOL. Maybe he's trying to tell you he loves Pilchard.

    Personally, I have a rather big crush on Steve from Blues Clues. He's hot.

  12. Been a long time since I've watched Bob the Builder! Love, like God, works in mysterious ways!

    xx Jazzy