Not him, just his Autism.
The bit that makes him scream in frustration when I can't clean an invisible smudge off the computer screen.
Or the neural misfire that means I have to follow him to the loo in case he eats the toilet paper.
Or the part that makes him liable to down his keks and pee in the church car-park (he has astonishing aim).
Lots of parents feel guilty for even thinking this, never mind expressing it, but some perverse part of me enjoys airing my mental dirty laundry and exposing it to daylight.
You could call it therapy, if you're kind.
(I just call it dumbass lack of social etiquette. You can see where the Autism comes from)
|these are my actual knickers|
Recently I came across an article that found that a drug used to treat sleeping sickness was found to have a positive effect on autistic traits in mice (mice have Autism??? how can they tell???). You can check it out here if you feel you've given birth to an unusually large rodent.
Finian (and therefore everyone else) was having a bad day and my immediate thought was can I order a truckload of these mofo's NOW???
I know I'm putting myself in the line of fire from many autistic people and their families who feel that Autism is not just part of who they are, but is integral to who they are.
Many people argue that Autism is not a disability and to treat it as such is disrespectful But from where I'm standing, it's pretty damn disabling when you have to spoon-feed a child who's almost 9 years old. And check his bum to make sure he's wiped it properly. And develop ninja reflexes, honed from years of ducking to avoid head-butts and back-handers.
So if a drug was developed, that was shown to be safe and effective, I'd be Queen Queue in Queue Park Central, wearing my crown and waving my prescription at my loyal subjects.
I don't think I'd be alone either.
But it occurred to me that there's an aspect of my son's Autism I'd miss.
He doesn't have the same filter buttons the rest of us have, so he doesn't tone down any of his emotions.
When he's angry, he makes the Incredible Hulk look pale and uninteresting.
When he's excited he turns wall-bouncing into an Olympic event.
But when he's happy he turns that knob up to 11 in true 'This Is Spinal Tap' style and joy spills out from him in a wild and wonderful flash-flood.
I like his polarized emotions and I kind of envy his ability to freely express himself without shamefully fearing what the Whisperers may say behind their hands.
Maybe that's evolution.
And maybe I would think twice before joining that queue.